6.24.2011

I'm lighting one candle on one (paleo) cookie. Today, I celebrate.

Me, on top of the world.  Well, at the highest point of Mt. Fuji.  Close enough.
Today, I celebrate.  We all know that I am not one to acknowledge my successes... that I am not prone to celebrating, announcing, touting, or even making anyone aware of my achievements.  In my mind, those moments are just one more step along my journey.  In my mind... I quickly process what happened, take it into consideration, then immediately question what I could've done better... what I can do better next time... moving forward.  That's just the way I am.  Continuous improvement, perhaps to a fault.

I'm competitive.  Mostly with myself.  Mostly.  A win for me is momentary, but the path to get there is continuous.  And if I spend too much time celebrating, I'm losing precious moments in preparing for the next challenge.  Losing is the same way.  Losing is the most incredible learning opportunity available.  Spend a moment to be sad.  Frustrated.  Angry.  Whatever.  But don't revel in the misery.  Reflect, identify where to improve, and move in that direction.  Maybe that's why I'm not so great at being happy when I succeed... because I can't learn from that experience as much as I can in my own failures.  Like I said, I'm weird like that.

But today... today, I celebrate.  I want to scream out loud.  I want to world to hear how happy I am.  There have been a series of successes lately... and they continue to stack up... so I am going to stop being so hard on myself... just for today... today I will partake in the joy and excitement that I deserve.  I'm just going to list the rungs of the ladder that helped me climb up to the top of my little world this past month.

1) 98% on my Anatomy mid-term
2) Acupuncture treatments have created a whole new sense of life in my lungs (and my head)
3) The mental brick wall has been chipped down to the ground... encouraging me to go out in 100 degree weather, 20 mph winds and complete a CrossFit WOD all on my own.
4) 100% on my Anatomy final exam
5) 100% on my Swedish Massage practical exam (who wants to put my skills to the test?)
6) The rung that put me over - I shredded my old PR for my CrossFit total.  I added 96# from my last total in February.  My backsquat went from 155# to 196#.  My shoulder press went from 65# to 95#.  My deadlift went from 225# to 250#.

I am more proud of today than any of the other 5 items on this list.  Maybe its because I can look at today's performance and build on it.  Improve on it.  1 - 5 are moments in time.  What can I do to improve on that?

Its nice when it feels like life is moving forward.  I am enjoying the thoughts around my race in October... and how all of the events, workouts, and the breakdown of mental (and physical) barriers will all contribute to the best 1/2 marathon I've ever run.  I have my eye on you San Francisco.  You're in my scope.

Funny thing is... even if I do PR... deep down, I know it won't be enough.  The medal will go in my giant basket of race numbers and other medals... and I'll have to figure out what I can do better for the next one.  The challenge, the competition with self... that is what makes me happy.  The determination and the physical and mental ability to improve myself - that is my reason to celebrate.

1 comment:

  1. this post does a pretty good job summing up why we became and continue to be such good friends, and why we always will be (aside from the fact that it's nice knowing you could carry my dead weight if it ever became necessary...i'm just sayin'...zombie apocalypse...i may faint at the sight of blood and/or the undead...and your ass better be around to carry mine to safety). what was my point? ah, yes. self-competitiveness and constant striving to do better. proud of you, girl, as always!

    xoxoxo,
    jess

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