7.23.2012

Rekindling An Old Flame, One Step At A Time

I was first introduced to her in middle school.  It was behind the building in the teacher's parking lot during P.E. class.  I hated her.  I'm pretty sure she hated me, too.  We didn't get along so well and I vowed I would never deal with her again for as long as I lived.

Somehow I managed to get all the way through high school and college with only a few moments of exposure, nothing too in depth.  And that was just the way I liked it.  I had plenty of other friends to keep me occupied, busy, and happy.

Then in 2002, I was living in Detroit and the comfort of my high school and college friendships had slipped away, falling victim to the distance between us all (hard to imagine life WITHOUT The Facebook).  Winter was dismal, cold, and especially lonely.  That's when she made her second appearance.  I never expected to see her again - in the middle of a Detroit winter.  At first, I spent as little time with her as I could.  I still didn't enjoy being with her and I felt she had nothing to offer me.  But there was a spark that started to grow.  And after awhile, I realized that I enjoyed our time together...  most importantly, on those chilled dusky evenings - she kept me warm.  I spent most of my winter with her.  She became my closest buddy and I looked forward to every minute we'd have together when I got home from work.

After I left Detroit, she followed me through every relocation... ultimately ending up in California.  She was always there for me.  Our relationship grew stronger in the warm California sun.  We'd wake up together.  We'd finish our evenings together.  There was something about the perfect Southern California weather that idealized our relationship.  We were together every morning.  Every night.  I couldn't get enough.  She made me so happy.  With her, I was in the best shape of my life.

My thoughts were always so clear when I was with her.  I could write.  I could think.  I came up with great ideas.  Great dreams.  She was a muse.  She could erase everything else in the world that was going on around me.

She introduced me to some of her good friends who ultimately became my good friends.  We even traveled together - San Diego, San Francisco, San Antonio... but our best times were always on the beaches of Southern California.

I met Matt in 2007.  She was still a big part of my life then.  But as my relationship with Matt grew, my other one started to fade.  She spent some time with Matt and me when she could... but it was always an uncomfortable situation.  He had known her previously, as well.  In a much different capacity.  His relationship with her was more competitive and focused, whereas she and I were much more casual together.  The three of us tried time and time again to make it work.  All three of us would head out into the hot desert sun, trying to share the morning between us... but my jealousy raged as they were always ten steps ahead of me.  I felt betrayed.  I felt left out.

Then experts who really knew a lot about her started saying how horrible she was for me.  How sick she would make me.  How bad she was for my health.  Hanging around with her for extended amounts of time would be detrimental to my body.  I was told if I wanted to see her, it would have to be in short spurts.  I'd have to expend all my energy with her in a very short amount of time.  It was all too much for me.

I broke up with her.  I swore I didn't want to see her ever again.  It was that same middle school hatred.  When she was finally gone, completely out of my life - Matt and I got married.  Happily ever after.

But lately, my body has been fidgety.  My mind is restless.  I miss her.  She was such a big part of my life.  I watch movies that remind me of our relationship.  I see her out around town with other people.  And she's ALWAYS down in Santa Monica at the beach.  My life just isn't the same without her.

Two weeks ago, I was able to sneak in a short morning visit with her.  She was a little rough on me.  The anticipation of our visit was so great, but our time together just wasn't how I remembered it.  I didn't care.  I wanted more.  So I saw her again two days later.  And two days after that.  Each time, I hoped for just five more minutes.  Five more minutes.  We started to get along a little bit better... and now it is as though the hope of "old times" will get us through.  I like to picture what we used to be like.  And that's what keeps me scheduling more time with her.

I think we're in a different place now.  And I know Matt supports my relationship with her - we just can't mutually share our time with her.  The dogs love her.  And I'm doing my best to ensure that our relationship continues to grow back into something wonderful.  I know we'll never be like we used to - but I can't wait to see where we go this time around.
My sweet, sweet Running... my precious Marathon Training... oh how I've missed you.  It feels so good to lace up my shoes and head back out on the pavement again.

And now, my plan is to travel to Las Vegas and run the Rock & Roll Half Marathon in December.  Running and I have been apart for a long four years, but I'm pretty confident we'll get along just fine.  Especially with Matt cheering for us along the way.

The only other person that I have been able to share my running with for miles upon miles and hills upon hills.  She's always been supportive of my ups and downs with running... and always encouraging me to get back at it!  This was my very first marathon.  It was hellacious, but I would absolutely do it again!


Training updates and all the time I spend with my runs can be found HERE from now until December.






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